I learned many things during the vow of silence, like how negativity effects other people, how someone speaking negativity effects their self, how we often speak before we fully think things through, and how often we don't take the time to observe our surroundings because we are too busy coming up with verbal reactions to them. I also learned how to better control what I say and how to be able to think my opinion on things, determine if I truly believe it, and if it is worth speaking. (More often than not, what you have to say about a particular subject is not worth saying at all.) But there were also some scary things about being silent. I did feel relatively trapped in my own mind. I had no way to let out anything I wanted to say, unless I typed it on here. My "selected few" and I barely even ''spoke'' during my vow, but that is okay, it only helped me learn more. Another thing I noticed is how it feel to directly take an insult to something you feel is close to you and not be able to retort. This is a very frustrating feeling, however, there is a Zen story that helped me clear my head of the negative thoughts that came from such an "attack" and it is entitled "The Empty Boat". Allow me to share it with you.
"In the middle of a think fog, a man is out fishing in his little boat when another boat slices through the mist and crashes into his. At first the man curses and yells at the person piloting the other craft, calling him names and demanding that he back off and give him space. When he looks more closely, however, that the other boat is empty - no one is manning the rudder. Suddenly his anger disappears and he realizes the pointlessness of his rage."
What the story means is, when someone attacks you, they are merely doing it because they are empty of a separate, conscious self. Their actions are uncontrolled because they are acting automatically. Since there is no one piloting their boat, getting mad over the boat hitting yours is senseless. I learned not to be angry when something I hold close was attacked, because they were acting automatically. My reaction to the attack was to not react, but to simply channel the energy elsewhere. There is no sense in getting angry over words, for they are merely words.
You also tend to forget what your voice sounds like after not using it, so speaking with it becomes a new experience all over again. Once you CAN speak with it again, you feel more able to speak with clarity. The old saying "you never what you have until it's gone" is absolutely true. All too often we take our ability to speak for granted and use it for the most ignorant things. I wish everyone could lose their voice for one week as I have, so that they, too, can remember and realize what a joy it is to speak. I can almost guarantee that you will never take it for granted again.
It is quite difficult to not speak when you know you have the ability to do so, but what if you couldn't speak? Ever? Would you be glad you spent the time you had with your voice wasting it on harming others, on senseless talk of gossip, or on speaking of matters that mean nothing more to anyone other than to hear somebody say something? Or would you regret it and wish that you had spent more time making people feel better with your words, spreading knowledge rather than ignorance, or speaking of things that could benefit the world? You may think that one person does not make a difference, or you may think so because that is what you have been told all your life, but do not truly believe it. However, I am showing you, right now, that one person does make a difference. All you have to do is look at yourself. You are reading these words, right here, right now. Even if you read all of this and think "Psh, this kid has no idea what he's talking about", I still made you reflect on the things that YOU YOURSELF truly believe and feel is right and what you feel is the truth. And how does one achieve enlightenment? By finding the truth THAT IS FOUND WITHIN HIMSELF.
Thank you for reading.
Namaste to you all. You all have my unconditional love.
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